My January social media sabbatical
Starting a day late because I needed to check out the Nosferatu memes.
What I thought my start to ‘no socials January’ would look like:
The countdown reaching midnight, Bucks Fizz and champagne in my friends’ living room, and a ceremonious show of deleting Instagram, X, TikTok and Facebook from my phone. A spike of anxiety, but mostly a sense of relief (and maybe feeling a little smug.)
What my start to ‘no socials January’ has actually looked like:
Too afraid to delete the apps from my phone because that would mess up the way I have curated my home screen. Accidentally scrolling on X out of habit whilst in the bathroom at 4am on January 1st. Going on X once after seeing Nosferatu because I really needed to get up to speed with the memes.
How I once would have felt about this imperfect start to my own pledge:
Angry with myself. Weak.
How I actually feel:
Elated, because whilst it might only be two days into January, giving myself permission to not go on social media has been the most freeing thing of all.
The algorithm is not your friend
Being only just a millenial, I grew up with the advent of social media. MSN was the first member of the pantheon, a truly social platform, but lacking the limitless global scale of its successors. I never joined MySpace, but Bebo was my first social profile. I would spend hours curating the introduction to my page, the friends listed, the albums of Twilight photos. Too much of a goody two-shoes to lie about my age for Facebook, that came a little later. Then Tumblr and its endless source of food for teenage hyperfixations. Twitter, which fast became my favourite. Instagram, once home to uncurated photos of friends, food and pets with the Nashville filter slapped on each one. Snapchat (but that required having friends.) Vine watched via Twitter. Now TikTok, so addictive that I rarely even click on the app icon for fear of what it will do to me.
How social media made me feel at the start:
Entertained. There was only so much content available that it wasn’t quite as easy to lose hours of your life to it. I remember regularly pulling down on my Twitter feed - that scrape and pop as it refreshed - and finding no new tweets. Bebo was only fun for so long if no one was online. Tumblr had the endless scrolling function optimised, but all the content I saw was related to my interests. I felt connected, but it also felt like a separate world, one apart from my real, mundane life. The two were distinguishable. Offline and online.
How social media makes me feel now:
Anxious. Online even when I’m not on my phone. Controlled. Angry.
It is so easy to see things I never wanted to see - death and gore, unnatainable living standards that I’m told are attainable, animal cruelty, racism, homophobia, transphobia. I don’t believe we should live in echo chambers and sanitised microcosms free of dissenting or differing opinions, but healthy debate does not exist online. You’re either with us or against us, hot or ugly, rich or poor, at the right stage in life or falling behind, popular or friendless - and what you see is cold, hard fact, not duplicity and AI and curation. Yes, everyone is transphobic, all your old school friends are endlessly happy, everyone’s home is perfectly clean and organised, and the only way you’ll feel good about yourself again is if you SHOP THIS SALE.
I had been wanting to leave social media for at least a year by the time I decided just a few days ago, with a kind of sparkling clarity that I thought only accessible to nuns and monks, that I would go cold turkey from social media for January.
I’d read so many pieces on it: Emma Gannon writes often about stepping away from social media, and there seems to be a movement springing up on Substack calling for people to ditch social media and the stress that comes with it.
My reasons for stepping away from socials this January are two-fold:
I’m busier than I’ve ever been with a day job, my therapist training, seeing clients, chores and all the fun things I want to do with my life.
I am sick of feeling like time is running away from me, that I am sliding towards dread at all times, that I am not enough.
This is a kindness to myself. I already tried setting Apple’s time limits on my social media apps, but multiple times a day I would find myself hitting ‘Remind me in 15 minutes’ and scrolling away. Clearly, the hold the algorithm has on me is too great once I start.
How I’m stepping away from socials, and how you can try the same
If you don’t want to go cold turkey just yet, try a time limit (Apple’s website, opens in new tab). I went for 30 mins across all social apps.
Consider deleting the apps. If you feel that you can’t trust yourself to not click on them, even out of habit like I did in the early hours of the New Year, then delete them altogether.
It will take practice, but try catching yourself every time you go to open the app. Try and notice when your thumb swipes towards it, when it reaches for that same spot on your phone screen. Notice, stop yourself, and give yourself a mental high-five.
Now you’ve caught yourself, think about why you tried to go on social media. Are you bored? Was it just habit? Have you just finished doing another task and your brain wants some downtime, something different? Are you feeling low or craving connection? Scrolling is often a form of numbing behaviour - it might not be as destructive as other numbing behaviours, but you’re most likely still trying to shut your brain off or escape a feeling.
Fill that time with something else. Whatever it is will be more fulfilling than social media. Catch up on chores, read a book, call family or friends, go for a walk, start a new TV show, play with your pet, do your actual job. Your possibilities are now endless.
Still don’t know what to do with that time? Go back to thinking about why you went on, or tried to access, social media. If you were trying to numb yourself for a little while, consider what need social media was tyring to fill for you. Now think about how you might meet that need in a more constructive way. Maybe you need to journal your way through a problem or speak about it with someone. Maybe your brain is tired and you need to soothe it another way, like with a book or a good film or real life social connection. Remember: sometimes when we’re worn out, what we actually need is mental stimulation, like a game or seeing something new.
I have no idea how my month off social media is going to go. I mean, I already logged on twice yesterday, though one time was a conscious decision to look only at Nosferatu memes (necessary).
I’ll report back on how I’m feeling at the end of the month, and what my future plans for my relationship with social media are. But for now, simply taking that first step - making the decision to stop - has already made me feel like the little boat that is my life is in much calmer waters.
Questions to ponder
Would you try a social media sabbatical?
What is your relationship to social media like? Do you enjoy it? Does it make you feel anxious? Do you feel connected/hopeful/despairing/judged?
What might be stopping you from stepping away from social media?
What role does social media play in your life?
Could you find a happy medium between swearing off it for good and giving into the algorithm?
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P.S. I’ve had a little re-brand! This newsletter used to be the mumble and muse., but I no longer felt attached to the name. The content of this newsletter won’t be changing, however - I’ll still be focusing on mental health, existential questions, therapist training, writing and books, and perfectionism.
such times as these is a Substack newsletter from trainee therapist, writer and perfectionist Caitlin Evans. You can subscribe for free.